Dark Jokes And Dark Humor

Did you know that finding seriously dark jokes funny and enjoying dark humor is supposed to be a sign of intelligence? Whatever the truth, enjoy these really dark jokes!

Dark Humor Jokes

I’ve been trying to find my wife’s killer for 2 years now.

I still haven’t found anybody to do it.

So 6 is scared of 7 because 7,8,9, bit why did 10 have PTSD?

He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.

Why is dark spelled with a k and not a c?

You can’t see in the dark.

Darn girl, are you a cop?

Because you took my breath away.

Whenever I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we as a society have come.

And then I wait for the next bus.

My daughter told me I’m a terrible father.

I don’t know how she could say such a thing, she barely knows me.

When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic.

But when I drink Fanta, no one calls me …

Or texts me, I’m so lonely, please help.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq.

They got really excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Kamikaze instructors be like:

Okay guys, watch carefully I’m only gonna do this once.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home.

She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

What do depressed people and monkeys have in common?

They both hang from trees.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us?

It’s the only place they can vote.

What’s the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody you know it’s been fired.

Why didn’t the Japanese guy get a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

How do you surprise a blind guy?

You leave the plunger in the toilet.

What’s the difference between a Taliban fighter and an Iraqi child?

How should I know? I’m just a drone pilot.

Where does a terrorist go when they die?

Everywhere.

I feel bad for Anne Frank.

First she gets her diary published which is every girl’s worst nightmare then she doesn’t make any money from it which is every Jew’s worst nightmare.

I’m sorry and I apologize mean the same thing.

Except at a funeral.

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 Magnum and shouts, “WHO’S BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?!”

Everyone’s quiet for a bit, then one guy in the back replies, “You ain’t got enough bullets.”

What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.?

Tourists.

Jokes about school shootings aren’t funny.

Seriously, my brother died in one.

I even remember his last words.

“Darn it, the cops are here. I guess I’ll have the last round for myself.”

Cops are a real pain in the neck.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his butt.

What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?

Morgan.

My son joined an experiment at school, where they would see what the reaction was on wearing a “Go vegan” shirt for 2 weeks.

So far he has been beaten, spat on and yelled at.

I wonder what will happen if he goes outside of our house.

I got attacked by a troupe of mimes last night.

They performed unspeakable acts.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital, I wrote, “It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path”.

Not many people knew I was talking about their heart monitor.

What’s the difference between unarmed protesters and dangerous criminals?

How am I supposed to know? I’m just a cop.

I saw a kid crying so I asked where his parents were,

I love working at the orphanage.

A kid in the back of the class just yelled “Jenga!”

We were watching a 9/11 documentary.

How do Americans learn the metric system?

9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.

I wanted to play soccer with John, so I asked his mum:

Me: Good morning, can we play soccer with John please?

Her: you know John has no arms and no legs, right?

Me: Yes, I know but we need a ball.

Why are so many Americans stupid?

Because they shoot the ones that go to school.

What’s the difference between science and religion?

One builds planes and skyscrapers, and the other brings them together.

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die.

I told him, “Usually from overdose.”

Why should China have a baseball team?

They can take out the whole world with just one bat.

What you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter what you call him he’s not coming.

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