Did you know that finding seriously dark jokes funny and enjoying dark humor is supposed to be a sign of intelligence? Whatever the truth, enjoy these really dark jokes!
Best Dark Humor Jokes
Let’s start with our favorite funny dark jokes!
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
I’ve been trying to find my wife’s killer for 2 years now.
I still haven’t found anybody to do it.
So 6 is scared of 7 because 7,8,9, bit why did 10 have PTSD?
He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.
Whenever I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we as a society have come.
And then I wait for the next bus.
My daughter told me I’m a terrible father.
I don’t know how she could say such a thing, she barely knows me.
When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic.
But when I drink Fanta, no one calls me …
Or texts me, I’m so lonely, please help.
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq.
They got really excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Kamikaze instructors be like:
Okay guys, watch carefully I’m only gonna do this once.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home.
She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us?
It’s the only place they can vote.
What’s the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody you know it’s been fired.
Why didn’t the Japanese guy get a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Where does a terrorist go when they die?
Everywhere.
I feel bad for Anne Frank.
First she gets her diary published which is every girl’s worst nightmare then she doesn’t make any money from it which is every Jew’s worst nightmare.
I’m sorry and I apologize mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 Magnum and shouts, “WHO’S BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?!”
Everyone’s quiet for a bit, then one guy in the back replies, “You ain’t got enough bullets.”
What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.?
Tourists.
Jokes about school shootings aren’t funny.
Seriously, my brother died in one.
I even remember his last words.
“Darn it, the cops are here. I guess I’ll have the last round for myself.”
Cops are a real pain in the neck.
What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?
Morgan.
My son joined an experiment at school, where they would see what the reaction was on wearing a “Go vegan” shirt for 2 weeks.
So far he has been beaten, spat on and yelled at.
I wonder what will happen if he goes outside of our house.
Today, I asked my phone, “Siri, why am I still single?”
It activated the front camera.
Dark Humor Pick Up Lines
Forget the dark jokes, try out these hilarious dark humor pick up lines and see how you go!
Darn girl, are you a cop?
Because you took my breath away.
We all die someday.
Wanna go out with me?
Are you a bullet?
Because I can’t seem to get you out of my head.
I like my women like my coffee. Ground up in a can.
Wow! I could never have guessed you look way better in person than what I have been seeing through my telescope.
You want a stud, you say?
I already have an STD so U are all I need.
Are you a rope?
Because I’d hang with you.
Are you a casket?
Because I want to be inside of you.
Are you my pinky toe?
Because you’re little, cute, and I know I’m gonna’ bang you on the coffee table later.
Are you a single mum?
No?
Would you like to be?
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna bathe with you.
I’m the kind of guy that doesn’t know the meaning of no.
Let’s go to your place.
Excuse me…
Does this handkerchief smell like chloroform to you?
Dark Orphan Jokes
If you’re feeling lonely, these dark jokes about orphans will make you feel right at home!
I saw a kid crying so I asked where his parents were,
I love working at the orphanage.
Why shouldn’t you buy a PC from an orphan?
Because it doesn’t have a motherboard.
It must be great to be an orphan.
Every bag of chips is family-sized.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an outlaw?
The outlaw is actually wanted.
I made an orphan website.
It doesn’t have a Home page.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they get to call someone father.
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
Robin, get in the Batmobile.
What’s it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: ____________
What didn’t the orphan get for his birthday?
A family photo.
Why is the Iphone X perfect for orphans?
Because it has no home button.
What kind of flour does an orphan use when baking?
Self-raising.
Darkest Jokes
You have to be seriously into super dark humor for these, the darkest jokes of all!
What do depressed people and monkeys have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
What’s the difference between unarmed protesters and dangerous criminals?
How am I supposed to know? I’m just a cop.
A kid in the back of the class just yelled “Jenga!”
We were watching a 9/11 documentary.
What’s the difference between a Taliban fighter and an Iraqi child?
How should I know? I’m just a drone pilot.
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital, I wrote, “It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path”.
Not many people knew I was talking about their heart monitor.
How do Americans learn the metric system?
9 mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
I wanted to play soccer with John, so I asked his mum:
Me: Good morning, can we play soccer with John please?
Her: you know John has no arms and no legs, right?
Me: Yes, I know but we need a ball.
Why are so many Americans stupid?
Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
What’s the difference between science and religion?
One builds planes and skyscrapers, and the other brings them together.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.
I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.
Dark Dad Jokes
Dad jokes can have their dark side too, as these examples show:
What you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
I got attacked by a troupe of mimes last night.
They performed unspeakable acts.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his butt.
Why is dark spelled with a k and not a c?
You can’t see in the dark.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die.
I told him, “Usually from overdose.”
Why should China have a baseball team?
They can take out the whole world with just one bat.
Last time I told a fat joke at school one of the fat girls said I was fatist.
I said, I think you’re the fatist.
Dark Knock Knock Jokes
If you like dark jokes, you’ll love these super dark knock knock jokes!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Your dad.
But my dad’s dead.
I know, just reminding you.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Where did Susan go after the bomb fell?
I don’t know, where?
Everywhere. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susan.
