Have a gander at these hilarious goose jokes and puns! After all, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander!
Funny Goose Jokes
What do you call a goose that works on state TV?
A propagander.
Today some guy pointed to my pet goose and said “she” was cute.
God I hate it when people assume my gander.
What is the difference between misleading media maliciously maligning minorities and a genteelly garbed gentleman goose?
One is propaganda, the other is a proper gander.
What grows down as it grows up?
A goose.
What does an Egyptian goose say?
Ankh, ankh!
Goose feather pillow manufacturing is quite a complicated process that I could explain.
But I don’t want to talk down to you.
I asked a goose of I could use some of his feathers but he made it pretty clear…
He is not down.
I wanted to buy all my friends goose feather pillows.
But I can’t afford the down payment.
Why doesn’t the duck get scared?
Because he can’t get goose bumps.
How is a goose farmer like a disco dancer?
They both can get down.
My friend lost all of his birds.
He went after them, but it was a wild goose chase.
What does a goose get when it’s cold?
People bumps.
What type of berry has feathers?
A gooseberry.
What is a goose’s favorite television show?
The feather forecast.
Silly Goose Jokes
What’s a goose’s favorite kind of music?
Honkey Tonk.
How do you convert a goose into a blues singer?
Put the goose in an oven at low heat until it’s Bill Withers!
How do you get down off of an elephant?
You don’t, you get down off of a goose.
When will Ryan Gosling be old enough to be called Ryan Goose?
Geese fly in a V-formation for aerodynamics, and when the lead goose gets tired he switches out his position. But one side of the V is almost always longer than the other. Do you know why?
There’s more geese on that side.
Did you know a goose’s beak is composed of 4 elements: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Potassium?
HONK!
When my grandad was dying my grandma smeared his back in goose fat.
He really went down hill fast after that.
After an argument, my cooking instructor wants me to stew goose feathers gently below or just at the boiling point.
She wants me to simmer down!
Did you hear about the goose that got pulled over?
It got charged with road rage because it wouldn’t stop honking.
A man has a goose on the top of a building. What is the easiest way for him to get down?
Pluck it off the goose.
My new pillow makes me sad at night.
It’s filled with goose feathers, and when I go to sleep I feel down.
What do you get if you cross a goose with a cow?
A mooooose.
A guy at school kept hitting me with poultry.
I got goose bumps.
I had to knock a goose unconscious to collect his feathers for Dracula’s pillow.
Now he’s down for the Count.
What kind of clothes are made with Australian goose feathers?
Down Under wear.
What do you call turbulence while riding a goose?
Goose bumps.
I met a Chinese talking goose today, so I asked him from what part of China he was from.
Honk Kong.
Two geese having a chat.
First goose: “My husband has gone on a trip to Africa.”
Second goose: “Uganda?”
First goose: “No, I’m a goose, my husband is a gander!”
I got sent to find an untamed ornithoid without cause.
It was a wild goose chase.
What do you call a fat goose?
A chonky honky.
When you cook duck you should always add a little bit of goose.
It makes a game out of every bite.
Which side of a goose has the most feathers?
The outside.
What do you call a Portugese person by themself?
Portu-goose.
What musical instrument does the goose play?
A-goose-tic guitar.
What do you call a goose that is on fire?
A flamingoose.
Mother Goose Jokes
Why did Mother Goose start raising cows?
Because she wanted to be a dairy godmother.
What will Mother Goose feel if you hit her on the head?
Goose bumps.
What did Mother Goose name her newborn son?
Ryan Gosling.
What did Mother Goose do when she couldn’t find her favorite rhyme book?
She had to wing it.
What did Mother Goose say to her misbehaving goslings?
“Stop your squawking!”
Who is the Mexican equivalent of Mother Goose?
Juan Ceponataym.
Why did Mother Goose become a stand-up comedian?
She had a honking good sense of humor.
What is Mother Goose’s favorite song?
Honky Tonk Woman.
What’s Mother Goose’s bedtime routine?
Reading egg-stravagant bedtime stories.
Best Geese Jokes
I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the geese keep attacking him.
I guess thats what’s I deserve for having a pure bread dog.
What happened to the geese when they fell down the stairs?
They all got goose bumps.
The local humane society is giving away male geese for free.
I might go take a gander.
The goose said to me, “Quuuaack, quack quack?”
I replied, “Quack, quaaack, quack.”
My brother said, “I didn’t know you speak Portugeese.”
If a very social person is called a “people person” then wouldn’t a very social goose be called a “geese goose”?
What do you call a group of crows dressed as geese?
A murder most fowl.
Do you know what kind of bird originates from Portugal?
Portu-geese.
How is a flock of geese like an airplane full of encylopedias?
They’re flying in-formation.
Petting geese always makes me sad.
Because every time I do, I feel a little down.
My friend told me he was almost murdered by Canadian geese.
I told him he was a bit mallard dramatic.
Do you know why geese kill more humans every year than sharks?
Because it’s really hard for geese to kill sharks.
I have 10 pet geese, out of which 8 speak perfect English.
The last two are Portuguese.
Where do Chinese geese live?
Honk Kong.
Why do geese make terrible drivers?
They never stop honking.
Why do geese honk?
Because they don’t have headlights.
I was driving with my friend when he pointed out a gaggle of geese in the field next to us.
So I turned my head and took a gander.
Everything was fine before the geese left…
Then things started to go south.
How do geese find things on the internet?
They gaggle it.
I teach at a school for birds, but we are not allowed to have turkeys, ducks, geese, etc. as students.
We don’t tolerate fowl language of any kind.
What do you call misinformation about male geese?
I don’t remember the term, but I know it’s not propagander.
Ever wonder why when geese fly in a “V”, one side is longer than the other?
It’s because one side has more geese.
Honking the whole time isn’t going to make everyone in front of you go any faster.
Stupid geese.
What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?
A paradux.
Why do geese fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk.
What do geese put in their cars?
Goose-aline.
Hilarious Goose Puns
What do you call a goose that doesn’t know its dead?
Goose Willis.
I have a racing goose for sale.
Let me know if you wanna take a quick gander.
What do you call a group of Nazi birds?
The Goose-Tapo.
What does a goose use to sway public opinion?
Propa-gander.
What do you call a possessed bird?
A polter-goose.
What would you call Batman if he was a bird?
Goose Wayne.
What do you call a goose that takes control of the Roman Empire?
A Goose-Tus Caesar.
What do you call a goose in a tuxedo?
Proper gander.
Grocery and food stores should never be allowed to sell duck, turkey, and goose meat.
It tastes too fowl.
Even though I’m an avid duck and goose hunter, I don’t own any calls.
My wife doesn’t want me using fowl language.
I just bought a new goose, but it’s massive!
It is truly humongoose.
What do you call a goose that works as a cop?
Officer Down.
If you teach a goose to use a computer, is it a technical fowl?
Other animals: Winter is almost here. What are we supposed to do now?
Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
A guy brings his friend to see his new lake house. When they get there, they see a goose on the front steps.
The friend says, Hey, is he yours?”
The guy replies, “Yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can’t communicate with any of the other birds.”
His friend looked confused. “Is he mute?”
“No. I think he speaks porch geese.”
What’s a goose’s favorite vegetable?
Asparagoose.
I have a pet duck who identifies as a goose.
They’re transgander.
I saw a goose go to church.
Turns out, he wanted to be closer to Geesus.
Whom do you ask to catch the killer goose?
The Goosetapo.
Why did the police arrest the Christmas goose?
They suspected it of fowl play.
Why couldn’t anybody see the goose?
Because it was in da skies.
How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant’s castle?
He had bean stalking her.
More Animal Jokes
If you enjoyed these funny puns and jokes about geese and you’re down for some more humor, check out these other animal jokes:
