Valentine’s Day Jokes

We love Valentine’s Day and we love jokes, so what could be better than these funny Valentine’s Day jokes and puns?!

Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes

What do you give a baker on Valentine’s Day?


Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentine’s Day.

February 14th.

For Valentine’s Day I bought my wife a brand new fridge.

I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

What did the arsonist do on Valentine’s Day?

He met his match.

I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine’s Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.

I told her I wasn’t planning on spending that much.

I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentine#’s Day.

Oops e-daisies.

I booked a table for Valentine’s night tonight and I just hope it goes better than last year.

We were there for about 20 minutes before my wife even potted a red.

For Valentine’s Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.

It’s the little things that count.

For the past twenty years, I’ve received a Valentine’s card from the same secret admirer.

So I was pretty upset when I didn’t get one this year.

First my granny dies, now this?

My local pizza place is selling heart-shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day.

I find it to be a bit cheesy.

What did the farmer get his wife for Valentine’s Day?

A sprinkler system and it irrigated her.

Call me Barack…

Because I’ll be spending this Valentine’s Obama self.

Why do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?

They’re very scentimental.

I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine’s Day

She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.

This year for Valentine’s Day I gave people a can of root beer and a can of refried beans.

Told them to have a rootin’ tootin’ Valentine’s Day.

My boyfriend gave me a ring on Valentine’s Day.

And he reached my voicemail.

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day?

You’re purr-fect for me!

This year for Valentine’s Day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour.

She wasn’t happy. Apparently it wasn’t what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.

I got a Valentine’s card from a pickle today.

It meant a great dill to me.

What do single people call Valentine’s Day?

Happy Independence Day.

My girlfriend wants me to take her somewhere that they make they food right in front of you for Valentine’s.

Subway here I come.

I love Valentine’s Day. The bottle of wine. The heart-shaped ice cream cake…

Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching YouTube videos.

Good times.

My wife just called me and said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine’s Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!”

I replied, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”

What’s the difference between singles and eggs on Valentine’s Day?

The eggs get laid.

Last Valentine’s Day I was asked to go out by 5 girls.

Turns out I was in the girl’s bathroom.

What do you give a ghost on Valentine’s Day?

A booquet of roses.

Alright, guys. It’s that time of year again: I’m planning on taking my girlfriend out for Valentine’s Day.

Can anyone recommend me a good girlfriend?

I got my wife a new gym membership for Valentine’s Day.

She was so overcome with emotion that she ran out of the house crying.

I think she must be still out telling her friends how wonderful I am, because she’s not come back yet.

My Eastern European girlfriend bought me some flowers for Valentine’s Day.

They were from Russia with love.

If any of you are sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember…

That nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be any different.

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