There’s no monkey business going on when it comes to these funny monkey jokes and puns!
Table Of contents
- Funny Monkey Jokes For Kids.
- Monkey Dad Jokes.
- Ape Puns And Jokes.
- Monkey Bar Jokes.
- Gorilla Jokes.
- Monkey Jokes For Adults.
- Monkey Knock Knock Jokes.
Funny Monkey Jokes For Kids
How do you get a one-armed monkey down from a coconut tree?
You wave at him.
There were two monkeys sitting in the bath.
One says to the other: “Oooooo eeeeee oooooo aaaaa!”
The other says: “Put the cold tap on then!”
What do you call an angry monkey?
What did Curious George say when his sister had a baby?
“Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.”
What is a monkey’s favorite dance move?
The banana split.
What do you call a dancing monkey?
A party animal.
What’s invisible and smells like bananas?
What kind of monkey can fly?
A hot air baboon.
What do you call a monkey who loves fancy desserts?
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
What is a monkey’s favorite cookie?
Monkey Dad Jokes
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed monkey on a tricycle and a well-dressed monkey on a bicycle?
Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
And I gotta say that’s true because I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
What’s a monkey’s favorite game?
Did you heard about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates.
What do you call a monkey that can’t get into his house?
I was shocked when my brother told me he adopted a baboon!
Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.
Why do you never see monkeys hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
I get free shipping on all of my monkeys…
Through Amazon Primate.
What’s a monkey’s favorite dance?
What do you call it when a monkey refuses to eat?
Why do monkeys make great friends?
Because they are prime mates.
Why shouldn’t you fight with a monkey?
They use gorilla warfare.
What does a banana do when it sees a monkey?
The banana splits.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
Ape Puns And Jokes
Where do monkeys get their gossip?
On the ape vine.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During Ape-ril showers.
What do you call a lawyer who only works for certain apes?
What do you call it when a group of apes start a company?
Where do baby monkeys sleep?
What do you call a monkey stuck in a ventilation shaft?
What do you call an ape made from tobacco?
What do apes call sunbathing?
An ape joined a monastery but couldn’t get in.
He was missing his monk-keys.
What kind of guns do gorillas use?
What is a monkey’s favorite fruit?
What do you call a weak ape?
Did you see the new YouTube channel that’s non stop footage of gorillas opening bananas?
It’s super ape peeling.
Monkey Bar Jokes
Where do monkeys go to get drunk?
The monkey bars.
I usually can’t use monkey bars.
But I’m getting the hang of it.
It’s insane to me that monkey bars are allowed on playgrounds.
I mean the whole point is that there are kids there.
Should we really be encouraging monkeys to drink in front of children?
Where do monkeys being naughty at the park end up?
Behind monkey bars.
Did you know before they had monkey bars…
Monkeys would just drink at home.
Why did the chicken cross the monkey bars?
To get to the other slide.
I hate monkey bars.
They only have banana daiquiris.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
What do you call a video game gorilla who shrinks by 50% each day?
What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear?
Anything you like, he won’t hear you.
What do you call a gorilla with jelly in one ear and custard in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What is the hairiest side of a gorilla?
What do you call a 600 pound gorilla with a shotgun?
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Why do gorillas have such large nostrils?
They have large fingers.
A man gets a new job at the zoo.
On his first day, he still doesn’t really understand what exactly he’s meant to do, just that it involves the gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.
“Now look,” says the manager, “We’ve been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure’s being repaired, but we’re actually looking for a new gorilla – can you do it for us?”
The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he’s a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.
After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.
Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest.
He’s a big hit and everything’s going really well for him, until one day he’s on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.
He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.
A pair of eyes lock with his.
It moves closer.
He knows this is it.
He begins to pray.
Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him – the biggest, ugliest lion he’s ever seen!
It leans in close.
He can see every gleaming tooth in it’s mouth
He can smell the lion’s breath
It opens it’s mouth
And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.
“Make this good or we’ll both lose our jobs.”
A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini.
This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, “What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink.”
So he mixes the martini.
He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill.
Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words.
He can’t believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.
So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change.
While he’s standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, “Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything.”
So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change.
The gorilla doesn’t say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini.
After a few minutes the bartender just can’t take it anymore.
“You know,” he says to the gorilla, “We don’t get too many gorillas in here.”
And the gorilla says, “At nineteen dollars a drink I’m not surprised.”
What is a monkey’s favorite ice cream flavor?
My friend did not believe in the existence of underwear for apes.
I told her to look them up and showed her on the internet.
I said “Ha! Chimp pants, see?”
What do you call a monkey who likes to touch people?
A guy starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. He starts on this when suddenly a huge fish leaps out and bites him.
He is not going to let a fish have a go so he beats the offending fish to death with a spade.
Realizing that his boss is not going to be best pleased, he tries to find a way to hide the dead fish.
He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions as lions will eat anything.
So he throws the fish into the lion’s cage.
He then moves on to his second job, which is to clear out the monkey house.
He goes in and a couple of chimps starts throwing coconuts at him.
Not amused he swipes at the chimps with his spade, killing them instantly.
He’s really worried now, so what does he do?
He feeds the chimps to the lions, because lions eat anything. He hurls them into the lion’s cage.
Anyway, he moves on to his last job, which is to collect honey from South American bees.
He starts on this and quickly gets attacked by the bees.
Alarmed, he grabs his spade and smashes the bees as hard as he can, squashing them to death.
By this point he is not too worried about the death of bees as he knows what to do by now. He throws them into the lion’s cage, because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.
It wanders up to another lion and says “What’s the food like in here?”
The other lion says, “Absolutely brilliant, today we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.”
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
A younger chimp asks one of his elders, “What’s a conditioned reflex?”
The older chimp says, “When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas.”
Did you hear they had a radioactive spill at the primate lab?
They’ve now got fission chimps.
Why was Tarzan so angry?
He had a chimp on his shoulder.
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?”
“Sure,” answered the blonde, “Do you need a lift?”
“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the San Diego Zoo for me? I’ll give you $200 for your trouble.”
“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!
There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes, he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
“What are you doing here?” he demanded, “I gave you $200 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!”
“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde. “But we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World.”
A chimpanzee walks into a bar, sits down and slaps $100 cash down on the counter.
Immediately, the bartender begins chasing him around the bar, knocking over customers’ glasses as the chimp laughs his head off.
This goes on for about 5 minutes.
After they both tire, the chimp tips the bartender $50 and leaves.
The bartender chuckles, and goes back to work as if nothing happened.
One incredulous customer says, “Well you’re just going to pretend like that wasn’t absolutely ridiculous?”
The bartender says, “Well sure, but a little monkey business never hurt anyone.”
Monkey Jokes For Adults
Scientists are creating a world where monkeys are allergic to tobacco.
They’re calling it the Planet of the Vapes.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming
She says to the man next to her, “The driver just insulted me.”
The man says, “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in a tree near his house.
He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
“Is it a boy or girl gorilla?” the service guy asks.
“Boy,” is the man’s response.
“Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says the service guy.
An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs.
He then gives the man some instructions: “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s you-know-whats off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.”
The man asks, “What do I do with the shotgun?”
The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the chihuahua.”
A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks though, the gorilla, a female, became impossible to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the gorilla was in heat, and her aggressive behavior could only be relieved with sexual interaction with a male counterpart.
To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
After considering nearly all possible options, the zoo keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Bobby Lee, a very strong physical man, had little sense but was always bragging about his honky tonk women.
The zoo keeper thought they might have a solution.
Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:
“First”, Bobby Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.”
The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
“Second”, he said, “You can’t never tell no one about this, and I mean no one.”
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
“Third”, Bobby Lee said, “In the event that there are offspring, I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.”
Once again it was agreed.
And last,” Bobby Lee said, “I’m gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00.”
Monkey Knock Knock Jokes
Monkey see. Monkey do.
Monkey won’t fit, that’s why I knocked.
I fling mop.
I fling mop who?
You dirty little monkey!
Gorilla me a hamburger!
Albee a monkey’s uncle!