Rat Jokes And Puns

These funny rat jokes and puns won’t be over until the rat lady sings!

Funny Rat Jokes And Puns!

I hit a rat with my car today.

It left a ro-dent.

What do you call a rodent that steals your dessert?

A pie-rat.

A church has a rat problem but they don’t want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.

Next they try asking them politely to leave, still they won’t budge.

Finally the priest has one last idea; he baptizes all the rats.

Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.

What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?

Who cares? It’s a relephant.

Why do rats suck at taking pictures?

Because whenever they say “Cheese!” they all scatter to find it.

What will a rat never tell you?

A squeakret.

Where do mice and rats go to get drinks?

To a squeakeasy.

Baby rat and mommy rat were walking down a dirt road when a bat flies by.

Baby rat turns to his mom and says, “Look ma, an angel.”

What do you call a rat living in subway?


What’s the difference between an actor and a burnt rodent?

One’s Chris Pratt, the other’s a crisp rat.

What do you call twin rats?


What do you call a rat with allergies?

Rat a-choo-ille.

What do you call a rat with a wooden leg?

A pi-rat.

15 dollars for a rat trap, 3 dollars for cheese.

Coming home to find a house not full of droppings? Miceless.

What do you call a rat that has reached enlightenment?

A Buddha-pest.

My friend is a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero.

At first the rat was just frozen, but he’s 0K now.

I bought a Chinese takeaway last night. On the drive home I saw the bag was rustling.

I looked inside and saw two eyes staring back at me.

Panicked, I thought it was a rat or a mouse so I pulled it out the bag as quick as possible.

Turns out it was just a Peking Duck.

What did the rat say when his friend broke his front teeth?

Hard cheese!

What is a rat’s favorite game?

Hide and squeak.

Where do rats go to get new tails?

The retail store.

Why did the rat eat a candle?

For some light refreshment.

Why do rats need oiling?

Because they squeak.

What do you get if you try to cross a rat with a skunk?

Dirty looks from the rat.

What’s grey, squeaky and hangs around in caves?

A stalagrat.

What do rats like on their birthday?

Mice cream and cake.

When I opened my oven door a big rat ran out.

I tried to shoot him but he was out of my range.

Why do rats suck at taking pictures?

Because whenever they say “Cheese!” they all scatter to find it.

Have you heard about the movement to replace lab rats with lawyers?

The researchers don’t get so attached and there are some things a rat just won’t do.

Two rats sit in a dustbin and eat a DVD.

Suddenly, one says, “You know Kevin, the book was better.”

A rat along with two of his best buddies walk into a bar…

The bar had to be shut down due to health violations.

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