Bear Jokes And Puns

We couldn’t bear for you to miss these funny bear jokes and puns so without paws, here they are!

Table Of Contents

Funny Bear Jokes For Kids

You certainly won’t find these bear jokes for kids un-bear-able!

Park rangers told us not to leave any wrappers inside the car because bears might break in.

Bears must really like hip-hop.

What do you call a bear with no ears?


What do you call a bear in the rain?

A drizzly bear.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?

A little bear.

What’s a koala bear’s favourite drink?


What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?

Peter Panda.

What are bears without bees?


Why did they make two Yogi Bears?

Because they made a Boo-Boo with the first one.

How did the grizzly bear walk in the snow?


Why do bears have fur coats?

Because they’d look stupid in anoraks.

How do bears travel when they go on vacation?


Why did the bear wear slippers?

To cover his bear feet.

What’s the smallest kind of bear?

The bear minimum.

Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?

Yoga Bear.

What time is it when 3 bears are chasing you?

3 after 1.

Why did the bear cross the road?

It was the chicken’s day off.

What’s small and cuddly and bright purple?

A koala holding his breath.

What do you call a freezing bear?

A brrrrrrr.

How do you catch a fish without a fishing rod?

With your bear hands.

What time is it when a bear sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed.

Why did the sloth get fired from his job?

He would only do the bear minimum.

What do grizzlies do when they are having a bad day in the forest?

Grin and bear it.

Why don’t bears like fast food?

Because they can’t catch it.

Why shouldn’t you take a bear to the zoo?

Because they’d rather go to the cinema.

Why did the koala move?

His home was unbearable.

What is as big as a bear but weighs nothing?

Its shadow.

What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?

A Furrari.

Pooh Bear Jokes

These Pooh Bear jokes certainly don’t stink – they’re hilarious!

Why did Winnie the Pooh quit his job writing obituaries?

He didn’t like being the bear of bad news.

How does Winnie the Pooh eat his honey?

With his bear hands.

Why does piglet smell?

Because he plays with Pooh.

Which Winnie the Pooh character would be best in battle?

Eeyore. Because in battle, he becomes a…

War Eeyore.

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

The same middle name.

Why did Tigger put his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh.

Why was Christopher Robin?

For Pooh needed the honey.

What happened when Winnie the Pooh grew older?

He hit pooh-bear-ty.

Why did Winnie the Pooh’s house fail electrical inspection?

Too many bear wires.

What kind of bear wears diapers?

Winnie the Pooh.

What kind of perfume does Winnie the Pooh wear?


What does Pooh Bear call his girlfriend?


What do you call a bear who’s crouched over and grunting?

Pooh Bear.

Why has Tigger got no friends?

Because he plays with Pooh.

I have some Winnie the Pooh socks.

They’re a little thread-bear.

How does Winnie the Pooh send his letters?

By bear mail, of course!

What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?

Winnie the Pooh.

How does Winnie the Pooh stay cool in the summer?

Bear conditioning.

How does Winnie the Pooh stay fit?

He does bear-obics.

What bear goes around scaring other animals?

Winnie the Boo!

Which scary movie did the Winnie the Pooh refuse to watch?

The Bear Witch Project.

Why did Winnie the Pooh quit his job?

He was getting bear minimum wage.

Polar Bear Jokes And Puns

These polar bear jokes definitely won’t leave you cold!

What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?

Frosted tips.

What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?

A polar bear.

I was watching a documentary about how polar bears’ hands and feet have adapted to the snow when all of a sudden my TV froze.

It’s okay though, it was just on paws.

What’s angry, calm and white?

A bi-polar bear.

What do you call a polar bear with earmuffs on?

Anything you want. They can’t hear you.

How do you catch a polar bear?

You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas.

When the bear goes in to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

What do polo bears have for lunch?

Ice burger.

What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?


I read that if you eat a polar bear’s liver you’ll get sick from too much vitamin A.

I decided to test this so I called the butcher and asked them to send some over.

But unfortunately they said they don’t de-liver polar bear.

What’s white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?

A molar bear.

Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars.

It’s the bear minimum.

Did you know the most condescending bears are in China?

That’s why you have to go all the way to the Arctic Circle to find the most respectful bears.

They’re the polar opposites.

What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?

A polar bear.

Why are polar bears cheap to have as pets?

They live on ice.

Where do teenage polar bears go to dance?

The snow-ball.

What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?

Ice Crispies.

What do you call a polar bear in Florida?

A solar bear.

Where does a polar bear go to vote?

The North Pole.

What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?

A polo bear.

Bear Dad Jokes

The only thing better than normal Dad jokes are Dad bear jokes!

“Never buy flowers from a monk”, Smokey the Bear said.

Only you can prevent florist friars.

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Can I get one whiskey………………and one coke?”

The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”

The bear replies, “I was born with them.”

What kind of cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?


What kind of bear won’t argue?

Agree-zzly bear!

Mary had a baby bear,

To which she was so kind.

And everywhere that Mary went,

You could see her bear behind.

Bear with me here…

What should I feed it?

What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?

A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.

Why do bears have hairy coats?

Fur protection.

What animal is legally allowed to carry a firearm?

Bears. They have a right to bear arms.

What do you call a group of confused black and white bears?


Park rangers told us not to leave any wrappers inside the car because bears might break in.

Bears must really like hip-hop.

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

Because they don’t meet the koalafications.

My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly on each bicep.

She is infringing on my right to bear arms.

What is the most condescending type of bear?

A pan… duh!

The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest.

But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror!

A bear asked the animals running past him, “What’s happening now?”

“The big bad wolf!” a goat shouted. “Is meditating!”

“So? Isn’t that a good thing?” questioned the bear.

“Noooo!” the goat bleated. “It’s become aware wolf!”

If you get lost in the Canadian wilderness, don’t panic unless you see at least one grizzly.

That’s the bear minimum.

What do you get if you cross a grizzly and a harp?

A bear faced lyre.

Why did the sloth get fired from his job?

He would only do the bear minimum.

What smells like bamboo but can’t be seen?

Panda farts.

Bear Attack Jokes

The only thing you’ll need to fight off with these bear attack jokes is the laughter they cause!

They say when confronted by a bear, the best thing to do is play dead.

But when I came face to face with one in the woods the other day, I accidentally played dad instead.

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels.

There was a bear attack in my neighborhood last night.

It was grizzly.

If you’ve seen one bear attack…

You’ve seen a maul.

My Roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

I witnessed a bear attack at the food court today!

I was at the shopping maul.

Did you hear about the dude who survived a bear attack with only a .22 to defend himself?

After taking a bullet to the knee, his friend wasn’t as lucky.

Many claim that heart attacks are one of the worst ways to go, but I disagree.

Bear attacks are definitely worse.

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears.

Being somewhat exhausted, the Czech said, “I’m tired. Why don’t you two go hunting? I’ll stay here and make up camp for the night.”

The Frenchman and the Irishman continue hunting but had no luck.

When they returned to camp, they were shocked.

The site was in shambles. The gear was mauled, the tent demolished, and supplies scattered everywhere.

And worst of all, the Czech was missing.

“It must have been a bear attack”, said the Frenchman. “Let’s start searching for our friend, the Czech.”

A few hundred meters from the camp, the Frenchman and the Irishman came upon a pair of bears.

A couple of quick shots from their rifles quickly finished the two bears.

“Let’s look inside the bears to see if they ate our friend,” said the Irishman.

Quickly they cut open the female bear’s stomach, only to find a few berries.

Next, they cut open the male’s stomach. Unfortunately, inside it was the body of their friend.

The moral of the story? The Czech is in the male.

Teddy Bear Jokes

Just when you thought our page of funny bear jokes was completely stuffed full, here’s an extra helping of teddy bear jokes!

Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his cake?

He was stuffed.

What’s a teddy bears favorite pasta?


Why teddy bears don’t go to the gym?

They don’t want to get ripped.

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?

A teddy boar.

What happens if a teddy bear gets torn?

He runs and runs until he gets a stitch.

How do teddy bears make babies?

They build-a-bear.

I just won a teddy bear making competition with my kids.

Great stuff!

How do you hire a teddy bear?

Put him on stilts.

Why is the letter ‘D’ like a bear’s belly button?

Because they are both in the middle of teddy.

What kind of umbrella does a teddy bear carry when it’s raining?

A wet one.

How do you start a teddy bear race?

Teddy, set, go!

What’s the difference between a teddy bear and an apple?

Teddy bears don’t grow on trees.

Why do teddy bear cookies wear long trousers?

Because they’ve got crummy legs.

What are teddy bear poops called?


What’s a teddy bear’s favorite type of pie?


What’s the best way to say sorry to a teddy bear?

To bear your heart and soul.

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