Horse Jokes And Puns

We’re not horsing around, we just thought it would be neigh-bourly of us to bring you these funny horse jokes and puns!

Funny Horse Jokes

Me: This is my horse, Mayo.

Friend: Why did you call him that, he’s not even a white horse?

Mayo: [neighs]

What did the horse say when it fell down?

“Help, I’ve fallen, and I can’t giddy up!”

How do you hire a horse?

Put a brick under each foot.

I really don’t like hanging around horses.

Every time I come up with an idea, they say it won’t work.

They’re a bunch of neigh-sayers.

Why wasn’t the horse interested in breeding in the barn?

He was hoping for a more stable relationship.

I asked my horse if she stole my thesaurus.

She said, “Nope.”

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey”.

The horse replies, “Sure”.

How do you hide a horse in the desert?

With camelflage.

My horse has insomnia and keeps everyone awake.

She’s a nightmare.

What do you call a doctor who is half man and half horse?

A centaur for disease control.

What’s a horse’s favourite wine?


To be or not to be a horse rider.

That is equestrian.

What do you call a bomb made out of horses?


Which US state does all the horse hair come from?


A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt.

The doctors described his condition as stable.

I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor.

Actually it’s probably more of a knight mare.

100 years ago everyone owned horses and only the rich drove cars.

These days everyone drives cars and only the rich own horses.

Oh how the stables have turned.

Do you know why the horse stalls at a racetrack are labelled A, B, D, E, and F?

Because no one would bet on a seahorse.

My friend told me to ask him if he’s a horse, so I did.

He said neigh.

Just got a job taking care of horses.

It doesn’t pay much but at least it’s stable work.

What goes “clopclopclop-clop-clop-clop-clopclopclop?”

Horse code.

Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.

My shrink says I’m just being self centaured.

If in an earthquake, take shelter with a horse.

Their houses are always stable.

My dad told me to stop pretending to be a farm animal.

He was sick of me horsing around.

What do you call a disagreeable horse?

A neigh sayer.

What do you call a horse with a lot of money?


I sent my brother a picture of an animated stallion.

I told him to be careful not to stare at it’s mouth. You should never look a gif horse in the mouth

Why was the horse good at business?

Because it had a stable economy.

Why don’t you see many horse-drawn carriages?

It’s hard to find a horse that can draw.

My horse ate all the bedding in the stable.

That was the last straw.

More Animal Jokes