Dog Jokes And Puns

It’s fur to say these funny dog jokes and puns are paws-itively hilarious! You’d be barking mad to miss them!

Funny Dog Jokes

I spotted an albino Dalmatian today.

It was the least I could do.

What breed of dog will unlock your front door?


Why won’t the dog listen to the farmer’s sheep jokes?

Because he has herd them all.

What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.

A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog.

After he climbed out, he said, “Here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine.”

I asked him, “Are you a vet?”

He said, “Vet? I’m soaking!”

My daughter said to me, “Dad, the dog has confetti stuck to his butt.”

I said, “That’s because he’s a party pooper!”

I adopted a dog from a blacksmith.

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the back door.

Why do blind people hate skydiving?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

I named my dog “5 Miles”.

Now I can brag that I walk 5 Miles every day.

A man walks into a zoo.

The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

It’s a shitzu.

Why do dogs float in water?

Because they are good buoys.

What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

A Labracadabrador.

How do tiny Japanese dogs say hello?


I once tied my dog’s stick to a balloon, he brought it back from several miles away.

I know, it sounds a bit far-fetched.

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes.

That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes.

I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keeps attacking him.

I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

What is the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?


A dog can’t read an MRI.

But catscan.

My dog Minton just ate my shuttlecock.

Bad Minton!

My brother and I are having a competition to see who can steal the most dog related stuff from our local petshop.

I’ve just taken the lead.

What do you call a large dog that meditates?

Aware wolf.

I have a pet tree.

It’s kinda like having a pet dog but the bark is quieter.

I had a dog who couldn’t poop so I named him Vegas.

Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

A man brings his Rottweiler into the vet and says, “My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”

“Well,” the vet says, “Let’s have a look at him.”

The vet picks up the dog and looks into his eyes.

After a few seconds, he says, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to put him down.”

The shocked owner replies, “What?! Because he’s cross-eyed?!”

“No, because he’s heavy.”

A dog sleepwalks into a bar.

He tells the bartender, “Zzzz I’m a cat zzzz I’m a cat”

The bartender says, “Yes sir, you are.”

The sleepwalking dog leaves and a patron asks, “Why did you agree with him? That dog’s not a cat!”

The bartender replies, “Sometimes you gotta let sleeping dogs lie.”

If I had a penny for everyone who asked me to look after their dogs…

I’d have a pound.

My dog ate my computer science homework.

It took him a couple of bytes.

I call my dog “DNA”.

Because helix.

So I taught my dog how to use a periscope.

Now he’s a sub woofer.

What do you call an educated therapy dog?

A dogtor.

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