Life One Liners

Life can be sad, life can be absurd, but life can also be hilarious. These funny life one liners sum up the daily struggles in a humorous way!

Funny Life One Liners

Abandonment issues: they’ve stayed with me my whole life.

Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for the night; set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Tequila won’t fix your life but it’s worth a shot.

If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

When life gives you writer’s block…

Give a man a fish and you’ll feed him for a day; give a man a poisonous fish and you’ll feed him for the rest of his life.

I’m an archaeologist and my life is in ruins.

If life gets you down, make a comforter.

In the circle of life you can find happiness in every corner.

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%… unless you’re donating blood.

I don’t mind sacrificing my life for a principle – at least in principle.

I am still waiting to meet a flat earth believer who has lived life on the edge.

And the Lord said unto John: “Come forth and receive eternal life”, but John came fifth and won a toaster.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a loser.

The darkest time of my life was when I couldn’t afford my electric bill.

I used to be a baby… but I grew out of it.

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

I was addicted to the Hokie Pokie but then I turned myself around.

The world can be so crazy… I swear it’s bi-polar.

I saw a sign that said “Falling Rocks” so I tried it… and it doesn’t.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Blanket statements are NEVER good.

Don’t let gravity get you down.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does…

The great thing about karma is you can go in the street and randomly punch somebody and be sure they deserved it.

Sometimes I like to make apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

I hate being late… but I’m so good at it.

I’m not one to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.

There’s 3 types of people in this world; those who can count and those who can’t.

The two secrets to sucess are: 1. never tell anyone everything you know.

Lif is too short.

More One Liner Jokes