Really Funny One Liners

If you like your jokes quick and short, then these funny one liners are just the ticket!

Funny One Liners

I was gonna tell a time travelling joke but you guys didn’t like it.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, but apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

I can’t believe no one has managed to come up with a cure for anorexia yet, honestly, I thought it’d be a piece of cake.

If America changed from pounds to kilograms overnight, would it create mass confusion?

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Shout out to the people wondering what the opposite of in is.

If your parachute doesn’t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence, often goes undetected.

Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?

At any given moment, the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making and now I can’t read anything.

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings, you know she’s a keeper.

I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

People often say “icy” is the easiest word to spell and, looking at it now, I see why.

People are often shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

If I had a Delorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.

I, for one, like Roman Numerals.

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

This Fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined.

“DO NOT TOUCH” must be one of the most terrifying things to read in braille.

If there’s one thing that makes me throw up, it’s a dart board on a ceiling.

Chameleons are supposed to blend well, but I think it’s ruined this smoothie.

Superglue can also be used for cleaning your computer keyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, “What the hell are you doing?”

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread”.

More One Liner Jokes