Why not dive into these hilarious swimming jokes and puns; they’re sure to make a splash and won’t leave you with a sinking feeling!
Funny Swimming Jokes
There were two cats who were in a swimming competition.
One was called “Un Deux Trois”.
One was called “One Two Three”.
Which cat won the competition?
One Two Three. Because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq.
I had an interview to join the Navy, and the interviewer asked if I could swim.
I said, “Why? Don’t you have any boats?”
Where do ghosts like to go swimming?
Lake Eerie.
I tried out for the water polo team once, but had to quit after the first practice.
Turns out it is an incredibly expensive sport. I had to save up for a new horse after the first one couldn’t swim.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Did you know it’s physically impossible to swim in guacamole?
You can only have a dip.
Be careful if you go swimming in Philosophy Lake.
It’s deep.
I you thought swimming with dolphins was expensive, but don’t go swimming with sharks!
It’ll cost you an arm and a leg!
I was talking to a married mermaid on the bus today.
She said she likes lying on the beach, but her other half prefers swimming.
What does a fish say when it swims into a wall?
Dam.
I went fishing at the weekend and there was this guy splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, “I can’t swim! I can’t swim!”
“It’s alright, buddy,”I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, “It says no swimming anyway.”
My son said he wanted to swim in an ocean someday, any ocean at all.
I told him to be more Pacific.
My wife was worried that the fish she bought on Friday weren’t swimming together on Saturday.
I told her not to worry, Saturday’s not a school day.
My dad once told me that if I put a potato in my swim trunks, I would attract more women.
He forgot to tell me to put the potato in the front.
A sole and a flounder are swimming in the ocean when they bump into each other.
The sole says, “A flounder!”
The flounder, to be polite, says nothing.
What detergent do swimmers use to wash their clothes?
Tide.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can’t walk.
Black bears can run faster than a human, and swim faster too.
So the only chance you’ll have in a triathlon is if you can bike faster.
What do you call a fish who can’t swim?
A taxi.
Did you hear there’s a restaurant where you eat while sharks swim around you?
The food’s good but it costs an arm and a leg.
They always say start at the bottom if you want to learn something.
Not the best way to learn to swim?
I went iceskating before it was cool.
Guess it was more like swimming.
A gorgeous woman waved to me at the beach yesterday.
But there was no way I was swimming out that far, to talk to her.
Why didn’t the lousy swim team have a website?
They couldn’t put 3 Ws together.
Swimming Jokes For Kids
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
What do you call a goat that can swim really fast?
A motor goat!
Why do fishes swim in salt water?
Because pepper would make them sneeze!
How do you learn to swim butterfly?
You just wing it.
What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim?
Alphawetical.
Why are spiders good swimmers?
They have webbed feet!
What do you call a small pole that can swim?
A tadpole!
Why was the mouse afraid of swimming?
Catfish!
What do you get when you cross a elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks.
Why should you always give kids soda before they go swimming?
Root beer floats!
Why don’t traffic lights go swimming?
They take too long to change!
What did Cinderella wear on her feet when she went for a swim?
Glass flippers!
Where do mummies swim?
In the Dead Sea!
What did the pine trees wear to the lake?
Swimming trunks.
Why don’t ghosts like swimming?
It dampens their spirits.
What kind of swimming stroke can you use on toast?
Butter-fly.
What swimming stroke do sheep like most?
The baaa-ckstroke!
Why are elephants always ready to swim?
They always have their trunks on.
Why should you never swim on a full stomach?
Because it’s easier to swim on water!
What kind of race is never run?
A swimming race!
What kind of horse is good at swimming?
A seahorse!
What did the ocean say to the swimmer?
Nothing. It just waved.
Why would the boy only do the backstroke?
He just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach.
Why did the elephants get kicked out of the swimming pool?
Because they couldn’t keep their trunks up!
What do you call a dog who can’t swim?
A land rover.
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
Best Swimming Pool Jokes
So the other day i went to a swimming pool and I thought I’d have a cheeky pee in the pool.
Anyway, the lifeguard must have spotted me.
He blew his whistle that hard I nearly fell in!
A guy knocked on my door today, asking for a donation to build a community swimming pool.
So, I handed him a glass of water.
I was told it was OK to pee in the swimming pool.
Apparently not from the 10 meter diving board though.
What did the tree wear to the pool party?
Swimming trunks.
What does Dolly Parton put in her swimming pool?
Chlorine. Chlorine. Chlorine. Chloriiiiine.
Why did the teacher stick her finger in the swimming pool?
She wanted to test the water!
I’m thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas.
I’m going to call it “IP in Pools”.
“The car won’t start,” said a wife to her husband. “I think there’s water in the carburetor.”
“How do you know?” said the husband scornfully. “You don’t even know what the carburetor is.”
“I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I’m sure there’s water in the carburetor.”
“We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it out. Where’s the car?”
“In the swimming pool.”
What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?
The poolice.
Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends!
“Sir, I’m afraid your son can’t attend our swimming lessons anymore.”
“Why not?”
“He keeps peeing in the pool.”
“Well, all kids pee in the pool.”
“Not from the diving board!”
I read somewhere that peeing when you shower can save water, and showering together with others also saves water.
I guess that’s why public swimming pools are so environmentally friendly.
My buddy was telling me a girl turned him down because he won’t swim in the deep end of a pool.
How shallow is that?
What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in a swimming pool?
Bob.
How did the neighborhood finally get a swim spot?
The neighbors pooled their resources.
How do you know if your swimming pool needs cleaning?
Kids still pee in your pool, but they refuse to get in it first.
Why did the cantaloupe jump in the swimming pool?
It wanted to be a watermelon.
Where do cars go swimming?
The car pool.
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
Did you hear about the rundown swimming pool?
It was a real dive!
Swimming One Liner Jokes
A shark can swim faster than a human, but a human can run faster than a shark, so in a triathlon it comes down to who’s the better cyclist.
Don’t get too into swimming and go off the deep end.
If a pregnant woman goes swimming, does that make her a human submarine?
When you’re swimming in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.
Be careful – if you quit swimming at the wrong time, you could die.
I just finished reading the book “How to Swim across the English Channel”, by Francis Close.
I used to be addicted to swimming, but I am now very proud to announce, that I have been dry for six years.
Just saying, rescue cats can’t even swim, let alone rescue anyone.
Did you know that after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is still filled with water?
I’ve always wanted a swimmer’s body so I go to the swimming pool everyday, but no one ever drowns.
I would tell a swimming joke, but I think it’s too watered-down to be funny.
Swimming on the moon is sheer lunar sea.
I’ve been watching the Olympic swimming qualifiers, and it looks like it’ll be a very talented pool this year.
Swimming Puns
I had a dream I was swimming in an ocean of fizzy drink.
It was a Fanta sea.
Which celebrity is not good at swimming?
Robert Drowney Jr.
Where do mathematicians swim?
Indices!
I went swimming in a river in Paris and my friend went swimming in a river in Cairo.
He said I was insane, but I told him he was in denial.
What’s a fan of classical music’s favorite style of swimming?
The Bach stroke.
What do call an obedient dog who loves to swim?
A good buoy.
Why wouldn’t the hipster swim in the river?
It was too main stream.
Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.
The group is always led by a “leader fish”, called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.
Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.
Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from threats, and asserts dominance over other groups of koi.
And if the fish are attacked, the other three swim away, and the predator always goes for the D koi.
Where do baby cats learn to swim?
The kitty pool.
My friend Ty came first in a swimming competition in Beijing, but he wasn’t given a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
Why are dogs able to swim so well?
They have a good boyancy chamber.
What do you call a shark swimming all by itself?
A lone shark.
Which way round the pool do chickens swim?
Cluck wise!
I made my fish listen to a whole Eminiem album.
Now he’s swim shady.
What do you call a good swimming pun?
A stroke of genius.
Where does Justin Timberlake go swimming when he’s in Ukraine?
The Crimea River.
What did the swimming and diving team do when they were stranded on a desert island without a diving board?
They resorted to cannonballism.
What does a search engine wear in the water?
Swimming googles!
When do Jews go swimming?
When it Israeli hot.
Why don’t vegetarians swim in competitions?
They hate meets!
What fish doesn’t swim?
Crawlfish.
What do you call a swim team made up of girls named Jennifer?
Hydrogens!
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
More Sports Jokes
If you’ve crawled through these funny puns and jokes about swimming, check out these other sports jokes too:
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