Golf Jokes And Puns

You’d have to go a fairway to find better short golf jokes and puns than these! There’s nothing sub-par about them, so they’ll have you hooked!

Funny Golf Jokes

Three golf clubs walked into a bar.

The putter ordered a beer, while the wedge ordered some whiskey.

The bar tender asked the third club if he wanted anything.

He replied, “No thanks, I’m the driver.”

Why do golf announcers whisper?

They don’t want to wake up the spectators.

Why do they call it golf?

Because all the other 4 letter words were taken.

What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm?

Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.

They finally invented a golf ball that uses a GPS signal to locate the hole, and then roll in.

Just don’t put it your back pocket.

A priest decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn’t feeling well, then he drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole, and a huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said, “What’d you do that for?”

God smiled and said, “Who’s he going to tell?”

Why are all mini golf players depressed?

They have no drive.

Did you hear about the guys that stole a set of golf clubs?

They’re still looking for the driver.

I went golfing and only hit two good balls all day.

I stepped on a rake.

For years, my family has always taught me that alcohol and golf don’t go well together.

That’s why I don’t drink and drive.

Two middle-aged men are playing golf.

Out of the corner of his eye, through the trees, one of the men sees a funeral procession passing just outside the course.

He removes his hat, holds it to his chest, bows his head and sheds a quick tear, before taking his shot.

The other man comments that he never knew he was so emotional.

The first golfer replies, “Well we were married for 30 years, it’s the least I can do.”

What do life and golf have in common?

The less strokes you have, the better.

My wife came back from golfing with the ladies, looking miserable.

I asked her what was wrong.

She said, “I got stung by a mad hornet between the first and second holes!”

I told her, “Your stance is too wide.”

People often ask me how I can play golf so much and still be so bad at it.

It takes a lot of balls.

Two men are playing golf when one realises he’s left his jacket at the last tee.

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.

“What’s up?” asks his friend.

“Well, you see those two women at the tee. One’s my wife, and she’s playing with my mistress.”

His friend laughs and says, “No worries, I’ll go get it for you.”

He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his friend and says, “Small world.”

My girlfriend is so smart, she really surprises me!

I went golfing, and forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend’s phone to call her.

She answered, “What’s up, honey?”

What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th.

He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”

The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”

Why does the golf pro tell you to keep your head down during lessons?

So you can’t see them laughing.

Golf balls are like eggs.

They’re both white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to go out and buy more.

Best Golf Dad Jokes

I took two pairs of socks golfing.

In case I got a hole in one.

“Do you think I’m good at golf, dad?” asked my son, before his tee shot.

I said, “You’ve got a fairway to go yet.”

A man walks into a bar holding a golf club.

The bartender asks, “Why the golf club?”

The man responds, “This is my designated driver.”

What is the only 4 letter word sport that starts with a ‘T’?


When it comes to golf, I hit in the high 70s to low 80s.

Any warmer and I don’t play.

On a good golf day I shoot 1 over.

1 over here, 1 over there.

I usually shoot in the low 70s at golf.

Our course is a nine hole!

I’ve worked out what’s wrong with my golf game – I stand too close to the ball.

After I’ve hit it.

Dad, I need help writing a sentence using the word “irony”.

Try this: I licked a golf club and it tasted irony.

I’m having trouble writing a good joke about golf and sandwiches.

Everything I come up with is sub par.

I live just down the road from a mini golf course.

You don’t even need to drive.

A guy threw his golf club into the air.

He got a birdie.

My wife was feeding the pets and asked me if I’d seen the dog bowl.

I said no, but I’ve seen him play golf.

Why do fighter pilots hate playing golf?

They keep hitting bogeys.

I asked my dad if he wanted to play Wii golf.

He said it sounds like a very small game.

My friend and I are fighting over a golf club.

It’s driving a wedge between us.

Do you like golf?

Of course.

I hate being the designated driver.

My friends need to get better at golf.

Why aren’t children very good at golf?

They can’t drive.

What did the ancient Romans yell on the golf course?


I lost my wife’s wedding ring while golfing.

Now I’m looking for a diamond in the rough!

What did the pirate shoot while playing golf?


Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?


Why do golfers hate cake?

Because they always get slices.

Golf One Liners

I always bring an extra pair of underwear when I go golfing, just in case I get a hole in one.

I don’t mean to brag, but it takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

A golf ball is still a golf ball, no matter how you putt it.

In golf, you can hit a 2-acre fairway 10-percent of the time, but hit a 2-inch branch 90-percent of the time.

I don’t want to brag about my golf game, but it’s sub par.

I once shot a 73, but things turned south when I started the 2nd hole.

Golf is a self correcting game – the worse you are, the more practice you get.

I was trying to come up with some funny jokes about golf, but they were all sub par.

Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early.

When golfers make golf jokes, are they just meta-fores?

I didn’t want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses, but I couldn’t ignore the red flags any longer.

A good golf partner is one who’s always a little bit worse than you are.

I’m considering teaching my son how to play golf, but I’m concerned about the course language.

I tried playing golf once, but I couldn’t figure out how to make the ball hold on the tea without sinking.

If your golf opponent can’t remember if he shot a six or a seven on a hole, chances are he had an eight on it.

Golfers aren’t happy unless they’re teed off!

Golf is the only sport where sub par performance is ideal.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it’s always possible to get worse.

A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.

The higher the handicap of the golfer, the more likely it is that he’ll be telling you what you should be doing to fix your game.

Short Golf Puns

A lion would never play golf.

But a Tiger Wood.

I had to finish the last half of my golf match naked.

I was only dressed to the nines.

Did you hear about the Mexican that got shot at the golf course?

It was a hole in Juan.

What do you call a wizard that plays golf?

Harry Putter.

What’s more intimidating than Tiger Woods as a golf opponent?

Tiger Woods as a golf location.

If I told you I know a convoluted joke about a golf club, a sheep, a stinging insect, a tree, and that scary clown movie…

Wood ewe bee leaf It?

A man fell into a display of 300 golf clubs at a sports shop earlier today.

Doctors have said that he should be OK but he’s not out of the woods yet.

What do a priest, a golf course, and an old pair of jeans all have in common?

They’re all holey.

Someone shot my friend Juan with a golf ball gun.

Now there is a hole in Juan.

I’ve recently started to learn how to play golf, but it’s not going too well.

I still have a fairway to go.

My golf coach told me I was so bad at golf that I should go to golf jail.

It would be a shame if they putt me in there.

I’m teaching my dog to golf.

He’s got little paws in his back swing.

What do you call it when a creepy guy goes mini golfing?


What do you call a marsupial that’s made plans to go golfing?

Koala tee time.

Where does the best average golfer put his golf cart?

The par-king space.

What does JK Rowling call her favorite golf club?

Harry Putter!

What’s the best time of day to go golfing?

Fore! (Or maybe tee-time!)

What do you call a Siberian golf course?

Taiga Woods.

What body of water do tees like to swim in?

The Golf of Mexico.

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