Basketball Jokes And Puns

We jumped through lots of hoops to bring you these hilarious basketball jokes and puns! It’s a slam dunk that you’ll like them!

Funny Basketball Jokes

Why can’t you play basketball with a sovereign citizen?

Because they’re always traveling, and they don’t recognize the court.

The blue whale is so huge, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court….

The game would be cancelled.

Hey, flatearther, wanna play basketball?

Tosses him a frisbee.

When my neighbor’s kid kept “borrowing” our basketball without permission, I ended up filling it with lead buckshot.

That way he wouldn’t be taking it lightly.

What did the basketball say to his therapist?

“I feel empty inside.”

I was interviewing for a job and they asked if I would be alright with travelling.

I said, “Definitely not, I play basketball by the rules.”

I was selling my basketball net and the buyer asked for a quote.

So I told him, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

What’s the difference between a female basket and a male basket?


My wife told me she wanted to travel.

I told her to go outside, pick up a basketball and take 3 steps.

Why hasn’t Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn’t a country.

God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.

“I know for a fact we are gonna win,” said God. “We have all the best players up here; Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on.”

“I wouldn’t count on that, God,” said Satan. “You see, down here, we have all the referees.”

As a 6ft 2inch tall person a lot of people would ask me, “Wow! You’re tall! Do you play basketball?”

At some point I started to reply, “Wow! You’re short, do you play miniature golf?”

My wife phoned me and said, “You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn’t got long to live!”

I replied, “But it’s March Madness! All the basketball games are important!”

She said, “Record it and watch it later.”

You should have seen her face when I turned up at the hospital with the camcorder and the tripod.

Life is like a basketball.

It has its ups and downs and is controlled by people that are taller and make more money than you.

Basketball Dad Jokes

What type of earrings does a basketball wear?


A random lady approached me in the park.

“I’m looking for a basketball,” she said.

“I didn’t even know baskets had masquerades,” I replied.

What kind of cheese do basketball players eat?

Swish cheese.

How do Hawaian basketball players score points?

Lei ups.

Why are muslims so good at playing basketball?

Because their religion says, “I slam.”

I saw a man walking through an airport carrying a basketball.

Must’ve been traveling.

Why aren’t birds allowed to play basketball?

They commit too many fowls.

Why are basketball players good at handling breakups?

Because they can always rebound.

If traveling is a violation in basketball then shouldn’t the entire visiting team be disqualified?

What’s a group of lawyers playing basketball called?

A court of law.

We had to kick the mason off our basketball team.

He kept throwing bricks.

What is my auto mechanic’s favorite basketball team?

The Pistons.

As a basketball player, my New Year’s resolution is to travel less.

What’s a programmer’s favorite basketball team?

The *nix.

So I gave a blind guy a basketball.

I think he’s still trying to read it.

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season.

Apparently they never take any shots.

I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind.

It will be missed.

A group of friends put together a basketball team to play on the local town league and called the team “Bye”.

So far they have accumulated 4 wins from opponent’s no-shows.

A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens.

They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.

Blind basketball players…

You’ve got to hand it to them.

Did you know Steven Spielberg and John Williams like to play basketball together?

He shoots, he scores.

Why is Cupid bad at basketball?

When he shoots, someone else scores.

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever.

Nothing but net.

My basketball career has taught me that I can be a great builder.

Tossed enough bricks to make a house.

My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot.

Must’ve been like 5,000 degrees in there.

Basketball Jokes For Kids

Why can’t basketball players go over seas?

They’re not allowed to travel.

What do you call basketball goals in Hawaii?

Hula hoops.

Why don’t giraffes play basketball at the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

Why didn’t the fish tryout for basketball?

Because they were afraid of the net.

Why is the basketball court always wet?

The players dribble all over it.

What do you call a chicken that is a huge basketball stats nerd?

Technical fowl.

Why are pigs bad at basketball?

They always hog the ball.

Why do basketball players go on picnics?

To get a basket.

Basketball players are very messy eaters.

They’re always dribbling.

Why is Cinderella not good at basketball?

Because she always runs away from the ball.

Why do basketball players wear bibs?

Because they dribble.

Did you hear about the skunk who got cut from the basketball team?

They had excellent shooting skills, but their defense stunk.

Why don’t robot chickens play basketball?

Too many technical fowls.

Basketball Puns

I went to the park and there were two Mexican guys playing basketball.

I wanted to jump in, but it was Juan on Juan.

What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?

Michael Gourdan.

What do you call a communist basketball tournament?

Marx Madness.

The B-52s have a favorite basketball player. Can you guess who it is?

They love Shaq.

Why does every retired basketball players open a brewery?

Because they’ve got hops.

What do you get when you cross a farmer and a basketballer?

Lebarn James.

Why does every tech company have a basketball hoop in the parking lot?

So people won’t have troubleshooting.

Why did the basketball player go to the East coast?

He needed a New Jersey.

What do you call two guys from Mexico playing a game of basketball?

Juan on Juan.

Chewbacca tried basketball but, despite his incredible height, he ended up being not that great.

After all, he was just a Wookiee.

Which dinosaur was the best at playing basketball?

The LeBrontosaurus.

People keep talking about basketball legislation.

What’s all the hoop law?

Mr. Potato Head went to a basketball game last night.

He was a spec-tater.

Legend has it that basketball used to be played with glass beads, and we only started using rubber balls in the 1800s.

Switching was indeed a marbleless idea.

Why are cats so bad as basketball?

They shoot too many hair balls.

What do you call a basketball player that always makes mistakes?

LeWrong James.

My friend Nick asked me for help on getting picked for the basketball team.

I told him to sit at the picnic table.

What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

An ice Kareem clone.

What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection?


What do you call a girl hanging from a basketball rim?


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