We thought we’d pitch you these hilarious baseball jokes and puns! You’re sure to find a few diamonds here!
Funny Baseball Jokes For Kids
What’s the difference between watching baseball and watching paint dry?
Watching paint dry does not take as long as watching a baseball game and you may even see more runs.
Why do pancakes always win at baseball?
They have the best batter.
What goes all around a baseball field but never moves?
The fence.
What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.
Why do baseball players shout?
Because they’re ALL IN CAPS!
Did you hear about the first baseman who got hit in the face with a baseball?
Now he’s a burst faceman.
Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?
All of the fans left.
What position does a crab play in baseball?
Pinch hitter.
Little known fact: Bruce Wayne’s parents owned a baseball team.
It’s true, before he was the Batman, Bruce was the bat boy!
Why are vampires lousy at baseball?
Because their bats always fly away.
Why did the baseball stay up all night?
That’s when the bats come out!
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team?
She ran away from the ball.
What do you call a snail holding a baseball bat?
A slugger.
Which superhero is the best at baseball?
Batman.
Who made the baseball cake?
The batter!
What do you call a baseball player with a cold?
A runny batter.
Did you hear the joke about the baseball?
It will leave you in stitches.
Why do pitchers raise one leg when throwing the ball?
Because they’d fall if they raised both.
Baseball Dad Jokes
I just found out the Kool-Aid Man plays on a baseball team.
He’s the pitcher.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home to run to.
Why don’t lizards like baseball?
They prefer cricket.
The first chicken pitcher in the history of baseball got fired last season.
According to the press release it was because he couldn’t stop bawking.
I saw an umpire get hit in the crotch during a baseball game.
The count was two balls, one strike.
What do you call a baseball official with fangs?
A vumpire.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
They both rely on the batter.
You know where the Torah mentions baseball?
In the big inning.
Who’s bad at baseball but fun at parties?
A pitcher filled with margaritas!
My company was recently bought out.
Now, instead of making baseball equipment we’re making German sausages.
Things have gone from bat to wurst.
I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat.
Now I have a lifetime ban from Disney World.
One day an airplane pilot decided he wanted to be a baseball star, so he went to talk to a coach.
The coach asked him, “Can you pitch?”
The pilot replied, “Yaw”.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The pitcher.
The ten largest baseball stadiums hold between 46,000 – 56,000 people.
Just some ballpark figures for you.
What do you call a baseball player with no parents?
Batman.
Did you hear about the lettuce who left his job at the church to become a baseball referee?
He is now known as the holy romaine umpire.
Why do criminals play baseball?
They can hit, run and steal.
Why do baseball bats tend to break near the grip on Saturdays and Sundays?
Because it’s the weekend.
Did you hear the one about the baseball pitcher with terrible aim?
Never mind, it’ll fly over your head.
What is a baseball player’s favourite kind of music?
Swing.
Did you hear about the all-janitor baseball team?
They swept the finals.
Why are kleptomaniacs the best baseball players?
They steal all of the bases.
What’s the difference between a firstborn prince and a baseball?
One is heir to the throne, the other is thrown to the air.
Does anyone else realize that baseball is actually illegal?
Hit and run is a felony.
Why don’t baseball players join unions?
Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes.
What’s a baseball player’s least favorite Star Wars movie?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
People say I’m too aggressive when I’m trading baseball cards.
It’s because I’m Ruthless.
What are the rules for zebra baseball?
Three stripes and you’re out.
What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player?
Babe Root.
Baseball One Liners
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger and then it hit me.
Shout out to the guy who just got a third strike in baseball.
Baseball’s equivalent to the armchair quarterback is the ottoman umpire.
Chewbacca’s first year as a major league baseball player was so successful they named him Wookie of the year.
Never hit a guy with glasses, hit him with a baseball bat.
While on road trips, baseball players like to make short stops.
When the baseball landed in a sewer, it was called a foul ball.
If you sing while playing baseball, will you get a good pitch?
Baseball players are expected to perform well right off the bat.
Date a baseball player, and you’ll end up seeing a diamond.
Frogs are excellent outfielders because they never miss a fly.
Matches don’t like playing baseball because they’re out after only one strike.
When statisticians play baseball, the players run around databases.
Baseball Knock Knock Jokes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Homer.
Homer who?
Homerun! I just hit it out of the park!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the baseball!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and throw the ball already, the batter’s waiting!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Iva.
Iva who?
Iva sore arm from pitching!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Keep Uriah.
Keep Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Al.
Al who?
Al be your catcher and you be my pitcher!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Bass.
Bass who?
Bass-ball is my favorite sport.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
A pitcher.
A pitcher who?
A pitcher’s worth a thousand words!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
June.
June who?
June know how to tell a good baseball knock-knock joke?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry, it’s just a foul ball!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip the bases.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda pitch to me so I can hit a home run?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah good joke about baseball?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Sam.
Sam who?
Sam pitching, some batting, let’s play ball!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry! We have the best baseball jokes!
More Sports Jokes
If these funny puns and jokes about baseball were a hit, you may also enjoy these other great sports jokes:
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