Work jokes!

Jokes about work

I just got fired from my job as a stage designer.
I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
I met a guy from Australia who works in IT.
I asked him, "Do you come from a LAN down under?"
My boss at work said to me today, "Do you believe in the supernatural and life after death?"
"Yes, I think so," I replied.
He said, "I thought you probably would. Yesterday after you left early to go to your grandmother's funeral, she phoned up to talk to you..."
I'm not bragging but I made six figures this year.
So they named me the year's worst employee at the toy factory.
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
In the job interview I had today, the interviewer asked me to describe myself in three words.
I said, "Lazy."
Today at work I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart.
I've been charged with a graph-aided assault.
I've started a boat building business in my attic.
The sails are going through the roof.
I learned my lesson about speeding today, and I'll definitely make sure it never happens again.
I didn't get pulled over or anything, I got to work 20 minutes early.
I went for a job interview today.
The interviewer asked me, "What's your biggest weakness?"
I said, "Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics."
The interviewer asked, "Could you give me an example?"
I said, "Yes, I could."
At my new job I have 500 people under me.
I mow the grass at the cemetery.
I went for a job interview today and the guy interviewing me told me they were looking for someone responsible.
I said, "In that case, I'm your guy. In my last job, every time something went wrong they said I was responsible."
My friend is a structural engineer.
He's always complaining about stress at work.
I went for a job interview today.
The interviewer asked me, "What would you say your greatest weakness is?"
I replied, "I think I'd have to say my listening skills are my greatest strength."
Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired?
Because they're working around the clock.
Did you know there's no official training for garbage men?
They just pick it up as they go along.
Any guy who plays heavy metal at work...
Is office rocker.
Working at home sucks...
If you're a firefighter.
I got a job building Egyptian tombs.
It turned out to be a pyramid scheme.
A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview.
The interviewer asks him, "So, what experience do you have?"
The lumberjack replies, "Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest."
The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, "The Sahara Forest? Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
The lumberjack says, "Yeah, that's what they call it now."
The interviewer said to me, "Your resume says you take things too literally."
I said, "When the hell did my resume learn to talk?"
I said to my boss, "Boss, can I have a week off around Christmas?"
He said, "It's May."
I said, "Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?"
My colleagues at work have given me the nickname "Mr. Compromise."
It's not my first choice, but I'm ok with it.
I was in a taxi today and the driver said, "I love my job. I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."
I said, "Turn left here."
I know a lot of jokes about retired people...
But none of them work.`
(c) The Humor Zone.
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