Funny turtle jokes!

We thought we'd come out of our shell and bring you these funny turtle jokes and puns!

Turtle jokes and puns

What do you call a lesson on turtles?
A turtorial.
What do you call a turtle missing one leg?
Turtle leanie.
What does a turtle do on their birthday?
They shellabrate.
What do you call a turtle crossed with a porcupine?
A slowpoke.
My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle.
Strange name but she tortoise well.
Do you have any books on turtles?
Hardback?
Yes, with little legs.
What's a turtle family called?
A shell company.
What do you call an Italian turtle?
A turtleini.
Which ninja turtle likes pastries?
Donutello.
Why did the turtle retire and move to the seaside?
He couldn't handle any more hare-racing adventures.
I went to a party dressed as a turtle with my daughter on my back, and someone asked what was on my back.
I said it's Michelle
What did the snail say while riding on the turtles back?
Wheeeeeeeee!
Why do we think the turtle is the wisest animal?
Because it has tortoise so much.
What do you call it when a dead turtle goes stiff?
Rigor tortoise.
What do you call a turtle that stays up all night?
Noc-turtle.
What do you call a startled turtle?
Shell-shocked.
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails.
When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
What's the most visible kind of turtle?
A sea turtle.
What do you call a turtle that flies?
A shell-icopter.
How do turtles communicate?
Shell-phones
Where do turtles who can't afford the rent go?
The homeless shell-ter.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
Why could the turtle never marry?
He took a vow of shellebacy.
What do you call a turtle with a rotor on its back?
A shellicopter.
What does it mean if you see a turtle on a fence post?
Somebody put it there.
I saw a van full of tortoises had crashed on the highway today.
It was a turtle disaster.
An elephant was drinking out of a river one day when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log.
So he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
"What did you do that for?" asked a passing giraffe.
"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."
"Wow, what a memory," commented the giraffe.
"Yes," said the elephant, "Turtle recall."
Why are turtles always shopping?
They like to shell out.
Did you hear about the turtle comedian?
He was shellarious.
What is a turtle's favourite game?
Beak-a-boo.

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