Really funny short jokes!

Short jokes

We got a delivery of a giant roll of bubble wrap in work today.
"Where shall I put it?" I asked my boss.
"Just pop it in the corner," he said.
It took me three hours.
I said to my wife, "You know, I've always had a bit of a thing for Beyoncé."
"Whatever floats your boat," she said.
I said, "No, that's buoyancy."
I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
When I woke up this morning I couldn't remember which side the sun rises from.
Then it dawned on me.
A man is on trial for cannibalism.
He says to the judge, "Your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man."
Earlier today, I was chased by a mugger who was trying to steal my wallet.
He'd been chasing me for 10 minutes when I thought to myself, “He's giving me a good run for my money."
How much does the world's heaviest dumpling weigh?
Wonton.
First thing this morning there was a tap on my door.
My plumber has a funny sense of humor.
In the word laughter, the letter L comes first.
The rest of the letters come aughter it.
I heard a great joke about a boomerang earlier.
I'm sure it'll come back to me eventually.
Me and some of my friends have just formed a new band called "999 Megabytes".
We haven't got a gig yet.
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.
That's pretty humerus.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
Oof.
The other day I stopped at a roadside stand that had a sign saying "Lobster tails $2."
I paid my $2 and the guy said, "Once upon a time there was this lobster..."
I've dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.
I won't rest till I find it.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
I have a pen that can write underwater.
It can also write other words too.
What do I know about bonsai trees?
Very little.
One of my friends said to me yesterday that I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
That was an incredibly unnecessary and hurtful thing to say.
It ruined our bath.
I've been prescribed anti-gloating cream.
I can't wait to rub it in.
"I can see you standing in front of a log cabin in the middle of a huge storm, and fir trees are standing behind you," said the old gypsy woman, staring into her crystal ball.
I said, "I think that's actually a snow globe you've picked up there."
(c) The Humor Zone.
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