Math Jokes And Puns

It’s easy to sum up these math jokes and puns – they’re hilarious! There’s nothing odd about them at all; in fact they’re above average!

Funny Math Jokes For Kids

I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!

What are the odds?!

If I had 50 cents for every maths exam I failed…

I’d have $8.40.

Puns make me numb…

But math puns make me number.

“Dad, can you do my math homework for me?”

“No son, it wouldn’t be right.”

“Well, at least you could try.”

I’ve decided to become a math teacher, but I’m only going to teach subtraction.

I just want to make a difference.

I have a scary math joke.

But I’m 22 to say it.

There’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake:

  1. The first kingdom is rich and powerful — filled with wealthy, prosperous people.
  2. The second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too.
  3. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, since it’s a valuable resource to own outright.

  • The 1st kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire.
  • The 2nd kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own.
  • The 3rd kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

The night before the big battle:

  • The knights in the 1st kingdom drink and are merry, partying into the late hours of the night.
  • The knights in the 2nd kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink into the late hours of the night.
  • In the 3rd camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

The next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up.

In place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing — the squire from the 3rd kingdom.

And the moral of the story is:

The squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

The math teacher asked her class, “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”

A student raised his hand and replied, “A drinking problem.”

What is a math teacher’s favorite superhero?

Four, God of numbers!

Did you hear about the mermaid who liked math?

She wore an algae bra.

Not all math puns are bad.

Just sum.

Two math professors are sitting in a pub.

“Isn’t it disgusting,” the first one complains, “How little the general public knows about mathematics?

“Well,” his colleague replies, “You’re perhaps a bit too pessimistic.”

“I don’t think so,” the first one replies. “And anyhow, I have to go to the bathroom.”

He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague.

He makes a sign to the pretty, blonde waitress to come over.

“When my friend comes back, I’ll wave you over to our table, and I’ll ask you a question. I would like you to answer: x to the third over three. Can you do that?”

“Sure.” The girl giggles and repeats several times: “x to the third over three, x to the third over three, x to the third over three…”

When the first professor comes back from the washroom, his colleague says, “I still think, you’re way too pessimistic. I’m sure the waitress knows a lot more about mathematics than you imagine.”

He makes her come over and asks her, “Can you tell us what the integral of x squared is?”

She replies, “x to the third over three.”

The other professor’s mouth drops wide open, and his colleague grins smugly when the waitress adds, “…plus C.”

What did one math book say to the other math book?

We’ve got a lot of problems.

I support farming and math…

I’m pro-tractor.

The first day of school, I signed up for English, Math, Science, and Geography.

The rest, as they say, is History.

There are three kinds of people in this world.

Those who are good at math, and those who aren’t.

My math teacher said I was an average student.

That was really mean.

Why should you always wear glasses when doing math?

It helps with division.

I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math…

I’m glad to know I’m in the other 2%.

What makes some plants better at math than others?

Square roots.

A math teacher was arrested today

In his pocket they found a protractor, a calculator, and ruler.

He was arrested for carrying weapons of math instruction.

A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class.

It was a weapon of math disruption.

How does a cactus do his math homework?

He uses a cacti-lator.

What do you call a number that won’t sit still?

A roamin’ numeral.

Math is 84% common sense.

The other half is intelligence.

Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

Because you can’t drink and derive.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school yesterday?

He slept all through math.

If I had to describe myself in three words, I would say…

“Not very good at math.”

Why should you never do math in the jungle?

Because if you add 4+4 you get ate.

I’ve failed in math more times than I can count.

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