Funny cow jokes!

These funny cow jokes and puns are highly a-moo-sing and udder-ly hilarious!

Cow jokes and puns

How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Did you hear about the recent race to send a cow to space?
The steaks will be higher than ever.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
They lactose.
If a cow doesn't produce milk, it's both an udder failure, and a milk dud.
The Queen just knighted the first cow in history.
He is Sirloin.
What goes "ooh ooh"?
A cow with no lips.
Why do milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
When is a cow hairy on the inside and outside at the same time?
When it's standing in the doorway of the barn.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
A little known fact about cow farts:
They come from the dairy air.
What do you call a cow that doesn't feel pain?
C.
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence.
I almost hit an invisible cow.
Fortunately I was able to steer clear.
Why don't cows wear flip flops?
They lactose.
What does a cow call his girlfriend?
His significant udder.
Why did the cow go on holiday?
Because it had a wee calf.
What do you call a cow in a band?
A moo-sician.
What do you call a herd of cows jumping over a barbed wire fence?
Udder devastation.
Did you hear about the recent race to send a cow to space?
The steaks will be higher than ever.
A farmer counted 387 cows in his field.
But when he rounded them up he had 400.
Where do dead cows get buried?
Cattlecombs.
Cows can't keep secrets.
You tell one, pretty soon they all herd.
What do you call a cow who cuts the grass?
A lawn-moo-er.
What do you call a genetically engineered cow?
A mootant.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated
What happens if a cow drinks her own milk?
It goes in at one end, and out the udder
What you do get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What kind of magazines do cows read?
Cattlelogs.

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